I’ll be doing a summary on my week in the machine of viral media, in the meantime, here’s the piece that aired on Good Morning America this morning.
Of all of that has been written, only Jezebel really gets where I’m coming from the best.
I must say it is a very different experience being on the other end of the media lens. Everyone wants a piece of you, and they need the car crash for people to rubberneck, but the topic of the story is just hung out there for public display.Forehead slap. To this literal minute, the Internet continues to squirm, because, yes, it’s true, people with multiple kids do have favorites and we all know it’s true but why are you making us admit it, Buzz Bishop? Is that REALLY what you mean, Buzz Bishop?
I have chased sensational stories like this in the past, and I do the interview, pass my judgment and move on failing to realize there are people and families attached the headlines. I get this is a ‘hot topic’, and admit I was flattered by the attention … at first.
More once the storm dies down.
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Buzz…. you are absolutely CORRECT! Most if not all parents have a favorite child in one way or another. If they say they don’t they are lying, clueless or saints (most likely lying). I love both of my daughters without hesitation no matter what! But I do prefer one over the other depending on the situation… they are different people and have different personalities and preferences and as such I LIKE them differently. But I LOVE them both equally. Stick to your guns… YOU ARE RIGHT!
Buzz, My Dad is 80 years old next month. He has 3 children..2 girls and boy. 53, 50, 48! He has always said that he loves us the same but at different times of our lives one of us has always been his favorite. So don’t feel bad, at some point your other son might jump ahead! It’s certainly normal and honest!
I so agree with you Buzz, Olbaid, and Donna> at different times in every aspect of every relationship with everyone we like and favour different people, the same with our children.Love them all the same but like…. you are absolutely right Buzz!! its much easier to like someone you can relate to more.
I’m not a parent but there have been times growing up I’ve seen the shift in my family dynamics of who is the favorite child. A couple factor’s played into it including my parents divorcing but even though I struggled with it at one point looking back I gained independence from it.
I learned to be self reliant and it has really embodied who I am to this day and my own thoughts and values. Everyone plays favorites! For those of you who deny it I call BS! You know there’s that one super star player on the soccer team so you give them more field time. Or a student who is more engaged in class than everyone else so you tend to mark them better. An employee you give more hours too because you work well together.
This is not rocket science it happens in our everyday lives! I see it all the time and it might not be overtly obvious to some people it is to me. So no harm no foul. We tend to put our focus on what we think will gather optimal results. No shame in that were just doing what is natural… Buzz doesn’t hate his kids that’s not the message to take away from this.
I appreciate your honesty and that you are working this out as you go along, Buzz. And I totally get that sometimes one kid is more fun to be around than the other(s).
I’d say it differently, though. I think we all come to appreciate and enjoy our time with each of our kids differently at different times. Some activities are more fun with one kid rather than the other. Some personality types connect better in certain situations.
To me, parenting means finding something about each of my kids that makes them the favourite in a certain situations.
As time goes on and your kids grow — and you grow and change — you may find that different traits about each of them become your favourite.
Always enjoy your thoughtfulness. Thanks.
Hello Buzz
Well , I am a parent and I also have favorite child . It is the personality of him over her. Also it could be the age difference between them.
I think that is totally okay. You are right putting your views about it. Sometimes you might favor one over other that does not means that you hate other child. It is normal.
I support you Buzz! Our relationships change with our kids, one might be a “favorite” now, but the other might be the “favorite” later. It’s not that you/we love one child more than the other, it’s more about age, maturity levels, shared interests…I seriously doubt your younger child will need therapy about this this later in life. My best to you and your family!
Sometimes it is not about what you say, but how you say it, and maybe the use of the word “favorite” might come back to haunt you, that will be a part of your journey with your children.
I have 3 children, 24, 21, and 18, as we continue on our journey of parent-child, I will always love them equally, but there are times I have liked none or all of them, depending on the particular situation at the time.
What I think is important is that you have “your time” with the oldest and that you make “your time” for your youngest and develop your special relationship with each of them, which will be different not one better than the other.Buzz, I think you are a great parent and like many, doing the best job they know.
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Buzz..
I am a mom of two they have 15 yrs between them. I also grew up in a family where we put the fun in disfunctional. I once accused my mom and dad of loving my sister more than me.. she was the favourite. My mom said something that made me think, “I LOVE ALL my kids the SAME amount unconditionaly but I dont always LIKE you all the same at the same time the same amount. There is no one favourite, you all our favourites at different times and situations. When I caught you sneaking out your bedroom window at 16, not so much my favourite.” I love both my girls, the first one; we grew up together, we have a very different bond. The second she is the surprise, she is the one who keeps us on our toes ALL the time. She is my baby bear and we have a very different bond than me and my first. My oldest for sure my favourite to go shoe shopping with or to have an actual conversation with, the baby I dispise taking shopping, but she is my favourite to play with and to read to and to snuggle with. OMG call child services! I must be a horrible mom. Give me a bloody break. I am so very tired of judgmental, narrow minded, by the lastest yuppy book people, who cant admit to themselves the truth. They let the latest parenting magazine tell them how to think and act. The same people who think that you should have a reasonable conversation with little timmy not to bring a gun to school, “ooohhh hes just expressing himself. He shouldnt have to suffer the same consequences as others, hes special.” okay extreme example, but I believe in honesty, I believe in raising my own kids with my own brain, morals and convictions, to know the difference between right and wrong and to be prepared to deal with the consequences… not what some yuppy *** book or “specailist” tells me. I am sorry but Dr. Phil is a bloody joke! As parents we all end up having regrets, its life. Ask yourself this “Am I a Good daddy/mommy, am I proud of the job I am doing?” If you answer YES than to hell with everyone else.
Thanks for being honest about how you feel and it’s great that you use your blogs for discussion of real issues. For everyone out there interested in the topic raising multiple children, this book may be of interest: Siblings Without Rivalry
http://www.scribd.com/doc/60540247/Siblings-Without-Rivalry
I heard you on the radio in Toronto this morning and I totally get where you’re coming from. Maybe it was just worded so a lot of people took it wrong. I have 2 kids, 5 yr old girl, 2 yr old boy. I love them both but I love them differently. My older kid is fun to let stay up on weekends and eat junk food and watch movies with. She’s a great helper at home too and she can hold a decent conversation. My son is my snuggly cuddly boy. They’re different and I love them differently. I think it’s awful that it was taken to such extremes on you. There are so many bloggers, parents and such that flat out say they love one kid more but you took the hit. I say you’re a good dad just trying to navigate through this whole parenting thing. Keep your chin up and you’re doing a good job!
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Buzz I just watched a Fox News program YouTube feed and before I even heard what “Dr. Ablow” said about you, I told the llittle lady that this so called Doctor doesn’t know the facts, and is mostlikly to call you a bad dad. After I saw the start of your video I knew I was right. How old are your boys? 6 and 3? Of course your fav would be the 6yo. But I think when they are just a few years older they will be equal in your eyes, and the doctor will still be upset. Keep up with your boys and try to teach them to do the right things, it will be hard sometimes but in the end you wil do it and your boys will love you.
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