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The stereotypical line that parents drop in the movies right before a spanking comes down.

This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you.

Until you have kids you can never really understand what that means. Anything that happens to our child rips us into a million pieces. From a faceplant while crawling to a spit up from just being excited - anything “bad” that happens to our kids kills us a little bit inside.

So let’s introduce daycare into the mix. Jen and I are struggling with the weaning this week. It’s supposed to be a time where the child can adjust to new surroundings and get used to time away from Mom and Dad. That’s what they say.

Here’s the truth: The week of weaning is for the parents.

It was my turn today to drop off Z. I hung out for an hour or so to see how things are done and find out about their routine. I stayed off on the side, observing.

Z had no idea if I was there or not.

Yes, this is going to hurt us a lot more than it’s going to hurt him. It already does.

**UPDATE**
Just saw this daycare related post over on Sarah Lane’s blog:

When I was 2 years old, both of my parents worked full-time and during business hours I went to daycare. It was a place in Santa Cruz called TAM School, where “TAM” stood for Teen Age Mothers, even though my mom was 33 years old. Who knows.

I remember laying on a cot in a dark room with a bunch of other kids, not sleeping. Not upset, just laying there with my eyes open. Some time later, my mom comes to pick me up and as we’re getting my things together to go home, the person in charge says to her, “Sarah didn’t take a nap today.” To which my mom replies with a sigh, “Oh, well, that’s ok.”

And then under her breath, “Shit.” [source]

Maybe Z does know.

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I like that Home Depot has free classes to show you how to do things. Install a toilet, build an interior wall, roof a shed. The slogan is “You Can Do It, We Can Help” and they live up to it.

They’ve got all the gear, they want to show you how to do stuff so you can buy the gear there.

With the weather turning, and our mud pit of a backyard starting to dry up, Jen and I are rolling up our sleeves and getting it fixed up this spring. New lawn, new plants, new gardens, new deck.

Guess what Home Depot has in their big flyer this weekend? Decking materials on sale, and classes on how to use said decking material.

We’re going to the Build a Deck class on Saturday morning at 9. Check out the site for a calendar of other classes being offered.

This type of marketing is brilliant. You have a product, you educate people, for free, on how to use it. You gain some good will and they come back to buy their supplies from you with their new confidence and knowledge.

Imagine if grocery stores did the same thing. They have all the supplies, why not have free cooking classes?

Computer stores could do it too. How many people know how to get the most from their computer or software? Why not offer free, simple, basic classes?

Arm your customers with education and they’ll know more to be able to buy more.

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Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Want to know why so many young girls are entering puberty around 10, when it used to be around 13 or 14? Want to know why so many teen boys can grow a full beard in Grade 10, when I could barely get peach fuzz?

Baby bottles. Specifically, plastic baby bottles laced with Bisphenol A (BPA). [wikipedia]

They’re cute, they’re convenient, and they’re poisoning our children.

Retailers are making sweeping changes today in advance of Health Canada declaring BPA as a dangerous chemical. A dangerous chemical that appears in everything from infant food containers to compact discs. [source]

It has now been linked to early onset puberty in children and breast cancer and prostate cancer in adults.

Health Canada is expected to issue a risk assessment this week that BPA is a potentially dangerous chemical, a move that could lead to some restrictions in its use, particularly for consumer applications that are likely to come into direct contact with foods or beverages.

The action by the Canadian government would be the first by any country to label the chemical used for decades in everything from baby bottles and the lacquer linings inside tin cans to dental sealants a possible health hazard. [blockquote]

Avent, a leading manufacturer of baby bottles, tows the company line when asked if their bottles contain harmful levels of BPA by only saying their products meet government standards. Well, the government standards are about to change, and those bottles, in fact, DO contain BPA.

DO YOUR BOTTLES CONTAIN BPA?

Look at the recycle number on the bottom. 1, 2, 4 and 5 are better. 3, 6 and 7 are bad. [source]

The Zrecs blog is fabulous. It has a lot more info to help you find other safe products. Back in February, they wrote the Z Report on BPA which includes this list of companies who produce BPA-free products:

Adiri | Baby Bjorn | Baby Cie | Babylife (Wee-go) | BFree | Born Free | Brita | Combi | DCI | Ezee Reach | Emily Green | Green to Grow | iPlay | Kidbasix | KidCo | Klean Kanteen | Medela | Mother’s Milkmate | Mud Pie Baby | Not Neutral | Nurture Pure | Obentec | ORE Originals | Prince Lionheart | Rivadossi Sandro (Trebimbi) | SIGG | Silikids | Skip*Hop | Steadyco | Thermos | thinkbaby [source]

ZRecs also has a text service where you can text Zrecs and the company name to 69866 and they will text back with BPA info on that company.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO?

First off, learn as much as you can about BPA. Then, go through your cupboards and get rid of everything that might be hurting you, and your family.

One of the first things we did last week was switch up Z’s water bottle. We picked up a Sigg bottle made of aluminum from Whole Foods. Expensive as hell, but safe for Z.

There have been rumblings about this chemical for years, but many disagreements between the studies. But look deeper as to why the studies disagreed.

Dozens of studies by independent researchers have linked low exposure to BPA in animal and test-tube experiments to illnesses, such as cancer, that are thought to have an origin in hormone imbalances, although industry-funded studies haven’t been able to find the same effects. [source]

Arm yourself with knowledge and make changes in your lifestyle. For your health. For the health of your children.

Here are some more tips from Green Living Online

# Use a metal or glass water bottle

# Limit your use of canned goods or choose canned foods from makers who don’t use it, such as Eden Foods

# Learn how to cook your own foods that you typically buy in cans — like beans or chickpeas

# Choose soups, milk and soy milk packaged in cardboard “brick” cartons, by Tetra Pak and SIG Combibloc, with safer layers of aluminum and polyethylene (#2) that can also be recycled

# Use glass food storage containers instead of plastic

# Use glass baby bottles or plastic bag inserts made of polyethyelene, or switch to non-clear polypropylene bottles that are labeled with recycle #5

# Don’t buy canned infant formula

# Eat fresh foods in season to reduce your consumption of canned goods

# Buy or can your own foods in safe glass jars

# Stop using plastic wrap and plastic containers to heat food in microwaves. Ceramic and glass are better

# Throw out any old and scratched plastic bottles or plastic containers

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We’ve always had them. Since we were old enough to go to a bar more often than study hall, we’ve had beer guts. It’s just that before we had kids, we could suck them in.

Let’s do a demonstration .. Stand up.. and .. suck in. Great. No gut. No problem.

Now, go and grab a niece or nephew or something between 20 and 40lbs and hold it on your hip. Now try to suck it in. You can’t. To balance that extra weight, you need to push your extra weight out. It becomes extra support for that crazy little son or daughter.

Now, if you’re a dad like Brad Pitt, and start fatherhood with a spectacularly chiseled physique, while your beer gut will exist, it won’t punch out as far as .. say .. mine.

All dads have beer guts, we can’t help it. We’re dads and we love to hold our kids.

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Nose drool.

Yes, it is cold season and guess which little bear just caught one from daddy.

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Why wait? Le Grand Monsieur will be 10 months old at the end of March. He’ll also be celebrating his first Easter by looking for chocolate eggs hidden about the City of Light.

Yup, we’re going to France with the child. Here’s the itinerary:

Paris for 2 nights, then a train to Caen where we pick up a rental car and drive to Honfleur. We have 2 nights at the mouth of the Seine before driving to Mont St Michel for a night. Then to the mouth of the Loire and the salt beds of Le Croisic. After a night there, we drive the length of the Loire Valley to St Georges Sur Cher for 4 nights before we drop our car in Tours and train back to Paris.

When Jen and I go to the pool for swimming lessons there’s 3 bags of toys, diapers and clothes between us. Can you imagine 2 weeks overseas? It’s going to be a challenge - but we’re up for it.

The first thing we needed to do was settle on a stroller. Currently we have a Mountain Buggy Urban as our main chariot of choice. It’s FAB for the trails and paths around our neighborhood, but, as we discovered on our trip to Portland in November, it’s HUGE.

It took up the entire trunk of our Pontiac Vibe for that weekend getaway severely limiting the amount of tax free goodness that could be brought home.

Our requirements for the new stroller were: lightweight, collapsing, has a tray, fully reclining, has storage room.

Jen went crazy looking for strollers. Up and down the web, all over Amazon, BabyCenter, everywhere. She hit up Target, Babies R Us and Craigslist. She read reviews, comments, feedback. EVERYTHING.

The contenders included styles from Quinny, MacLaren, Peg Perego and Kolcraft … but the winner is:

The Combi Helio DX - Wasabi (Waaasaaaaahbeeee)

It’s got a cup holder, a snack section, it reclines, and it has a longer bar than the previous edition (meaning you dont kick the wheels and you’re not hunched over when pushing)

They’re hard to find in Canada. We had to buy it online from Amazon.com and have it sent to a friend’s postal box in the US.

So that’s the big thing out of the way. But from reading reviews on Fodors, it sounds like the cobblestones of Europe do nothing for soothing a baby while sightseeing.

I guess that means we’re packing the Baby Bjorn too.

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My sister in law wrote up a post about how she has successfully navigated some parenting pitfalls over her 2 year career, notably she discovered the music you play your kids does not have to suck.

I totally agree. While we regularly spin some french children’s cds, complete with Frere Jacques lullabies and the like, and I did do up a mixed disc of Sesame Street classics, we’re trying to expose Le Grand Monsieur to something other than a steady diet of Raffi and Charlotte Diamond, mostly for our own sanity.

Here are some child friendly favourites you can drop into the mix, feel free to add your own in the comments.

The Beatles - 1: Yellow Submarine, Penny Lane, She Loves You, 8 Days a Week .. they’re all upbeat, simple to sing, full of rhymes and easy to dance to (for both of you).

Jack Johnson - Curious George Soundtrack: If I didnt tell you it was a kid friendly cd, you would never know. Jack’s laidback flip flop friendly music fits right in for a long Sunday drive.

They Might Be Giants: These guys are legendary for bringing cool music to the kids, they’ve already served up 3 albums, and a DVD of the stuff.

French Playground - Despite its kid-centric vibe, the disc is fun since every track stands out as great world muisc.

Barenaked Ladies - Snack Time: Their last album proclaimed Barenaked Ladies Are Men, and they’re dads too. The Scarborough Lads will serve up this kid’s disc on May 6.

While we’re on the topic of kid friendly stuff that’s easily digestable for adults, you should check out Working Dad’s ongoing series of posts about Children’s Books That Won’t Make Your Hurl.

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My pal, Carolyn, loves to throw quotes up on her blog. So borrowing her inspiration, I’m dropping one on you today.

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.”
Jesse Jackson

I’ll try to remember that one around December this year.

Parent Hacks has the quote as a part of a post on how to find more time to spend with your family.

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We found out Jen was pregnant in late Septmeber, 2006. By November, some 6 months before our son was born, we had started to put his name down on daycare waiting lists.

Such is the state of babysitting in 2007. You’re not a human being in the eyes of the law, but you’re all good to be on a daycare waiting list.

We are now on 5 different waiting lists and we’re getting closer to the end of Jen’s mat leave. She’s back in May and we still don’t have a guaranteed spot for Le Grand Monsieur.

We had our first interview yesterday.

Jen was nervous. She’d forgotten her list of questions at home. I tried to reassure her it was just one of those things. You “have a feeling” when you walk in. An instinct will tell you if it’s an okay place, or not.

I mean, how else do you say “I would like my son, the ultimate love of my life, to spend 75% of his waking hours in your care.” It has to be trust. It has to be instinct. There’s no other way to get it done.

The state of daycare is what’s really disappointing. We almost have to take the first space that becomes available. We’ve been on waitlists for 18mos and still nothing has opened up.

Jen and I are lucky in that I work in radio and can be home most mornings, while she is in sales and can do work from both home and the road. So we have the ultimate in flex schedules, but we still need someone to look after him, and at 11 months old, that’s almost like saying “we need someone to raise him.”

She hands us a schedule of when meals and changes happen.

“She only changes them 3 times a day,” Jen says. I don’t get it. “I never let him sit in a wet or dirty diaper,” says Jen. “Will she?”

I’m not sure. She’s got 5 other kids to look after, and my mind immediately runs to Jon and Kate Plus Eight. How can 1 person do it?

The menu includes chicken nuggets. Hmmm. Sounds like Le Grand Monsieur is going to be brown bagging it. I make all of Zacharie’s food. A friend turned us on to Annabel Karmel’s books and I do the boiling and pureeing and freezing each week. It’s dead easy. I don’t know why people buy the processed stuff.

Maybe its easier to throw your child in care when the kids start toddling and can take direction and get around on their own, but Zacharie is just.a.baby.

Ideally, Jen would stay home. She wants to stay home. She loves her job, but she loves her son more. I mean, who can blame her?

We have friends who have not gone back to work after their mat leave ended, and I don’t know how they do it. Maybe it’s because they got in the housing market 3 years before we did - that means about $250 000 less on the mortgage, and if we had that kind of equity, one income would be doable.

While we’ve been doing fine on E-I since Jen’s been off, not falling behind, we’re not necessarily getting ahead either.

So we will continue the search for care and look for someone worthy of raising our son.

Which is pretty much impossible.

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