What Dr Phil Told Oprah
When Oprah Winfrey was sued by the Texas Cattlemen in 1995 over comments she made on her show, Dr Phil McGraw was brought in as part of her legal team.
Later in his 1999 book, Life Strategies, he would tell the story of their first meeting.
When I opened the door, she looked forlornly alone, and her face betrayed the painful struggle that was keeping her awake.All that Oprah could say, all she could feel, was that it was not fair: “I can’t believe this is happening. This is so unfair. Surely this isn’t happening to me. It can’t be real. Why is this happening to me? There has to be some reason for all of this.”
Was there no justice? Could people not see through the sham of this lawsuit? Oprah just didn’t get it.
Sitting on the floor across from this woman I had come to admire so very much, I searched my mind and heart for the right thing to say. We had been talking, analyzing, and working for some time now, but Oprah continued to struggle with the why of it all. What I knew was that, regardless of “why,” we were here and she was in the crosshairs. Finally, I just took her hand and said, “Oprah, look at me, right now. You’d better wake up, girl, and wake up now. It is really happening. You’d better get over it and get in the game, or these good ol’ boys are going to hand you your ass on a platter.”
As direct as I am, it was hard for me to be so blunt with her, but Oprah knew me, and she knew that my interests were her interests. She looked me in the eye, and with a resolve I had not heard in all of our previous work together, said, “No they will not.”
I truly believe that at that precise moment, the cattlemen lost their case. Until that instant, Oprah had been fretting over whether this deal was fair or unfair, rather than accepting that, either way, it simply was. She had been philosophically distracted instead of focusing on what she must to do in order to win. From the very beginning, she believed deeply in the rightness of her actions; she believed passionately in her First Amendment freedom to hold an open debate on public health and safety, including our food supply, whether the mega-millionaire beef factories liked it or not. But the viciousness of the attack on her person and profession had so unsettled her that she had stopped being Oprah Winfrey. She fought back from her head, but not from her heart. She had done a lot of right things to help in her defense: moving her show to Amarillo, agreeing to be in trial every day, working and studying the facts every night. But she had been hung up on the belief that because it was unfair, something would derail the problem and it would go away.
That night, Oprah faced her demons. She had a choice: She could continue to resist accepting the situation because she didn’t like it, or she could grab onto it and stand up for herself and those being attacked with her. Once she took off the blinders and dealt with the real deal, rather than debating it, she was “back.” She did take the stand, and she looked the jury squarely in the eye, told the truth, and told it effectively. Likewise, she looked her accusers in the eye, and her message to them was clear: “Gentlemen, if you have a problem with that show, I’m your girl. The buck stops here. If you have a problem, see me, and leave my people alone. You wanted me here; well, you got me. Take your best shot. I am not running, I am not settling, and I will not be intimidated.”
So, as I sit here, a few days after having my career, passion and livelihood removed from me I have two paths to take: bitch and moan, or play the cards I’ve got.
Don’t get me wrong, inside my heart is broken like the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced. Behind the microphone and laughing with tens of thousands of people a day is a reason for living for me – it’s all I’ve ever known.
But the change in circumstances has offered me an opportunity, yes it’s taken one away, but it’s offering me many more.
Finding yourself on the wrong end of a Doctor’s diagnosis, marital split, legal fight or economic downturn? You can spend your energy questioning the circumstances, or you can find a way to deal with them.
After all, Doyle Brunson won back to back titles (1976/77) at the World Series of Poker with 10 2 offsuit, nearly the worst hand you can be dealt and after having a peek at the cards I’ve been dealt, I know my hand isn’t nearly that bad.
The Blog According to Buzz. Spread the word, ya heard?
Tags: goals
You’re handling the layoff with plenty of grace and I admire that. I am sure you’ll land on your feet and have some wonderful experiences on the path ahead of you.
Go Buzz Go! You. Can. Do. It.
Sorry. One more thing, this also reminds me of the Henry Ford quote, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
It looks like you’re on the path to believing that you can get back on your feet and live the life you have imagine for yourself – doing what you love – and you know that it’s all about the right mental attitude.
I happened to find this article when searching for that Henry Ford quote… which I thought was interesting: http://www.allbusiness.com/legal/contracts-agreements/3874550-1.html
And one more quote: “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. “- Thomas Jefferson
Good luck with everything, Buzz.
Thanks for all the kind words. My allusion in the above is not to paint myself as Oprah and my ex as the ranchers… It’s more to say they are two ways to handle adversity and challenges: bitch about it or
do something. I’m choosing to accept reality and move on to bigger and better challenges- whatever and wherever they may be.
Thanks again.
You got it right. After all, you have a beautiful wife and child, and another on the way. You live in a great country, and you have a ton of talent, and you sure have a lot of supporters.
Doing anything but looking to the future from the high mountain that you have climbed is tragedy. A positive attitude will help you and those around you climb higher. Bigger and better indeed!
No confusion here about your allusion to Oprah. Totally read you loud and clear Buzz. btw – Balazs was shocked to hear you were let go and sends his best wishes all the way from Hungary.
Very well said Buzz. Your message about accepting reality and using that acceptance to power forward is an incredibly powerful strategy.
Hope all goes well, but I know it will.
Yes, another door will open…be well , N.
Just like the song from Fred Astaire’s move “Swing Time”…
Nothing’s impossible, I have found.
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up, dust myself off,
Start all over again.
Don’t lose your confidence if you slip.
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up; dust yourself off;
Start all over again.
You don’t know me, but I “know” you… (no stalker here… it’s just from years of listening.) You are a force of Nature… (just one step down in power from Mom Nature) and you are irrepressible !!!
Good luck, and continued success in whatever you do next… and a LOT of us hope that we can continue to make YOU, a part of OUR day !!!
Hey you – I love the way you think. I cannot wait to see what’s in store for you. So cliche but everything happens for a reason and I really believe in it. Always on your side and so excited for your future!!
Heids
I just found this post by accident and feel like a dope because we were out of the country and I had no idea your work with VR was done. I did see your Tweet on the weekend about going for a run and being “heartbroken” but out of context I didn’t know what you were referring to.
As someone who left an amazingly powerful brand and landed on my feet I can attest that it is do-able. The change is at once odd but also liberating. Enjoy it and I know you’ll do well
- RP