Daycare or Nanny?
Which will you choose as your maternity leave comes to an end and you have to head back into the rat race to put food on the table, cars in the driveway and plants in the garden.
Some of my friends have opted out of this prisoner’s dilemma, and have just sacrificed to keep a parent home. Jen and I’s situation doesnt afford that “luxury” just yet. We opted for daycare and week 1 has come to an end.
A week with Z coming home with bumps on his head, scratches on his cheek. A week where we pick him up with a full diaper and soaked through pants. A week where we find wood chips up his onesie and socks soaked through. A week where he’s not drinking, not eating and not sleeping. A week where noses start running, throats are scratchy and colds are passed on to parents.
That’s a pretty eventful 5 days of extra-parental care. We knew there would be a learning curve for both us, and the daycare staff, but neither of us could have imagined that laundry list in just 5 days.
A recent survey of pediatricians put the question of daycare vs nanny up for debate. For those who landed on a firm side, 50+% opted for “it depends”, the majority chose at home care for those under 2.
Nanny: 35%
Daycare: 12%
Depends on the child’s age and circumstances: 53%“Nanny before age two. Daycare is better after that, because children are social little beings and love to be around other kids.” — Kim Gush MD, FAAP. Chapel Hill, NC
[source]
And who can argue with that? It’s the biggest problem we’re struggling with as Z transistions to care. He’s a baby. He can’t walk. He can’t talk. He can’t properly express his needs. He can’t follow directions.
Yes, socialization is important, and we really do think Z has a ton of fun scrambling through the playground, or climbing all over their slides and gear - but it really comes down to personalized attention for us.
How did Z’s diaper get so full that it soaked through his pants? Noone was paying attention.
How is that Z’s not sleeping more than 45mins for 2 daily naps? Noone is trying to get him back down.
How is that Z’s socks get soaked when his shoes come off on the playground? Noone was paying attention.
How is that Z’s not eating/drinking enough through the day? Noone is making an effort to sit and feed him.
How is that Z’s getting bumped and scratched and bruised? Noone is there to catch a climbing infant’s fall.
Now I don’t want to be that parent. You know, the extra clingy and protective and complaining parent who thinks their child is perfect and is never getting enough attention - but Z is a baby, in a room full of toddlers, he needs the extra attention.
Jen and I are talking about switching to a nanny, we have friends who have live in care for the same price we’re paying for daycare, but we don’t have room for a suite. So we’d have to go with a live out nanny, and without the accomodation subsidy you provide with live in care, the costs rise quickly - I don’t think it’s doable.
Which means we’re stocking up on band aids, and patience.
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sounds like quite the challenge. I am happy that my girl works for the government and get s so much mat leave and Nana lives close by.
I dropped my baby in the laundry hamper yesterday … yikes.
We are expecting baby #1 in October and I am self-employed. That means NO mat leave for me at all. Plus, husband works up north in a mine, so he’s away for 2 weeks, and home for 2 weeks. I have absolutely no idea what we’ll do.
Is there such thing as an “encouraging downer”, if there is, that’s you.
Thanks for getting me thinking well in advance….
xoxo
tj
One of my friends did “nanny share” for all the reasons you just listed…not sure if you’ve looked into it or not…I think the nanny lived in with her friend (b/c they didn’t have a suite either) and then was either at the friends house with the kids, or her house with the kids. She’d doing it again when she goes back from mat leave for kid #2 in the fall.
@Kat - if you can believe it, we know someone with a live in that we wanted to share with for maybe 5hrs/day.
They would have gotten a FULL live in nanny for less than $1000 / mo, once we put up our share - they said no.
Have you thought about looking for home daycare my first daycare provider had my dd and her own 2 kids and it worked out well….she went on Mat leave so I looked into a daycare I found on craigslist and she has 3 kids all 2.5-5 and they get so much time and just energy spent on them it is amazing….try posting on this site http://www.parentsinbc.ca/default.asp
they have tons of people always posting!
thanks dany, we put our names on every daycare list in our area. we went to some home interviews, and the situations were worse - one person to look after all the kids. we take z to a community centre where there are many adults to look after the children - it’s just an angst filled first week, we’ll get through it, just like we did the first week we brought z home.
Bring up your concerns to the staff. I work in childcare (in infant/toddler care actually) and I am shocked by some of the things you mentioned. He definately should not be soaking through a diaper! Does your daycare record everything that he’s eating/drinking during the day? I’ve found this is a must in the under 3 age set. Request that they try to get him back down when he wakes up from his little cat naps. There’s a difference between the overbearing parents who have a complaint every time they walk through the door and the parent who is concerned over the quality of care. Ask to speak to the supervisor if you’re not comfortable speaking right to the staff. As for the bumps and scratches - they happen. And as he becomes more mobile they’ll become more frequent. Most Daycare’s (and all should) have a family centered care approach and should be working with the family to provide the best care they can for the children.
Thanks Ashley.
I had a GREAT talk with the people today. My mom managed a long term care facility for elderly patients with dementia, so she has a lot of experience dealing with demanding families.
She said to just say what was on your mind, and trust that the place you’ve chosen will respect your wishes. You can’t stay silent.
So I expressed everything and they were very open to hearing about it. In the end, it comes to me being a first time parent and this being Z’s first week away. Jen and I think back to our first week in the hospital with him and the questions we asked were RIDICULOUS. We’re kind of being the same way now.
I expressed my concerns, I’ve gotten Z some extra love at daycare, and now I’m going to chill out and let my son get out there and be a little boy.