The Vancouver Playhouse International Wine Festival is in town this week. The formal tastings and dinners are wrapping up and the main event is ready to roll.

For 3 nights the Vancouver Trade and Convention Centre will be turned into one giant juice pit as thousands turn out, glass in hand.

Jen is a wine rep. She’s worked this event for.years. I picked her brain to get the tips and tricks as you head down to get your grape on.

1. Respect the pourer. They’re not $10/hr hostesses, but actually knowledgeable sales reps, maybe the President of the company, or perhaps even the Winemaker
2. Respect your palate. Start with the light wines and finish heavy (ie save the Ports til last) If you’re going on 2 separate nights, do white one night, red the other
3. Leave your big purse at home. It’s tough to balance all that and a glass, a wristlet with your id and keys should be enough. That said …
4. Bring a journal or notebook to take notes on what you’re trying. Trust me, 5 glasses in you’ll forget what you had first
5. Try something different than what you always buy – here’s your chance to go on an adventure with minimal risk
6. If you like it, buy it. All wines poured on site, are available at the store on site, so if you really love something, pick up a couple bottles before you leave as many “show exclusives” are brought in for this event only
7. Don’t wear white. Even if you don’t spill, someone else might. Jen saw someone in a beautiful white suit one year, with a lovely streak of shiraz right down her back
8. There are no dumb questions, you’re there to learn, and the pourers are there to help
   Have something to eat before you go. You’re going to be drinking a lot, and you don’t want to do it on an empty stomach. Which leads us to …
9. Spit spit spit spit! You’re going to be drinking a lot, so even if you’re looking to get your drunk on, spit
10. Don’t rinse your glass with the water at the table, people think they’re spittoons (see #10). Instead, ask the pourer for a splash of the wine you’re about to sample to rinse out your glass.
11. The good stuff will be gone by Saturday night, all the expensive bubbles etc are in limited quantities, so look for them Thursday and early in the night on Friday

That may sound grand, but not all is wonderful, there are some pet peeves of the staff working the event you should try to keep in mind to keep your experience the best.

1. This is their Christmas. Most pourers have been pulling 12+hour days pouring wine and entertaining VIPS all week, so be patient with them.
2. Sloppy drunk people may be fun at the Roxy, but they’re not fun at WineFest. Have a good time, but keep it under control
3. Raising your glass and clinking it on the bottle isn’t necessary. Say “when”, when you mean “when” and they’ll stop pouring
4. Perfume and smelly hairspray. One of the most powerful qualities of wine, is its bouquet. Dousing yourself in Curious by Britney Spears and emptying a bottle of Final Net on your head before you leave will not only kill all your senses, but those of the people around you. You think we’re kidding, we’re not. Not even a quick spritz. Go au naturel to this event. PLEASE!
5. Going right for the decanter. It’s not necessarily the most expensive. Jen and her team have been known to take the cheapest bottle they’re pouring and drop it in a decanter just to fool the smart asses. ASK first, they might even reach under the table and pull out a secret bottle for you to sample
6. The know-it-all is almost as bad as the candy perfume girl. Yes, you’ve been to Napa. Maybe you’ve even golfed with Ernest and Julio, but remember tips 1 and 8 from above. You may be bragging to someone even more special than yourself, and, in the end, everyone is there to learn and have fun

So now that you’re well versed in the behind-the-scenes secrets of WineFest, you’re almost set. One final thing to remember: visit the Get Home Safe Booth for a free transit pass to get your buns home safe.

Everyone loves wine. Nobody likes a dead drunk.

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